Sunday, November 14, 2010

Back to Me

November 14, 2010 Back to Me
I have been struggling with keeping up with my life since Sam started school. It is seriously like being a single parent except I don’t get every other weekend off. It has also been a trying year with Sam in and out of the hospital for cellulites and a possible move to Maryland in February (six months before he is finished with his MBA). I hired help with cleaning my house in April because I just couldn’t keep up anymore. This past month I was given the calling of Cub Scout den leader and it put me over the edge. My mouth was full of canker sores; I was exhausted all the time, and I felt overwhelmed all the time. I also was getting angry over things that really shouldn’t have bothered me. I was crying all the time. All in all, I wasn’t my self and I felt like a failure for not being able to keep up. After encouragement from my mom and close friends I went and saw my doctor. My doctor told me that moving is ranked #3 of most stressful life situations. #1 is death of a child or spouse. He also told me that 85% of people who go on anti-depressants can go back off of them. I told myself I would just stay on until Sam finishes school. Well, two weeks later and I feel fantastic. I feel like myself again. I am back to doing projects and feeling good about myself. I am cutting some things out. Gymnastics ends this month and we aren’t going to sign up again. I decided to put off a marathon for at least another year. I am going to stick to halfs this year. Life is still hard, but it isn’t overwhelming anymore. If I have offended anyone over these last few months, I am sorry. I have always been blunt, but looking back I seemed to have lost some of my filtering skills as my stress level went up. I question whether this is appropriate to post, but I think women, especially Mormon women, look other women and think, “I should be more like her.” I am sure all of us have private struggles. I wish Sam’s sickness and busy schedule was the worst of what I have dealt with this year, but some things are private and not always ours to share. I just want people to know that Heavenly Father wants you to be happy and if you really can’t be happy. See your doctor. I feel that my medication is a blessing in my life right now.

12 comments:

Debby said...

Glad you found a good doctor and that the medication is helping. It is so easy to think we should be able to do it all. I have to stop and remind myself that sometimes it is not my season to be doing something. I tend to be very critical of myself when comparing myself to others. When I stop, pray, and prioritize it gets easier. Being a busy mom with little ones is hard work!

jenhatch said...

I love the honesty Tiff! I'm so glad you're back to you and we should all keep supporting each other. Because yes, sometimes life is just too dang hard!

Hope this next year is a better year for you and your family! I'm here for ya!

russ katie mia & george said...

i'm SO glad that you are feeling better on your medication! there is no shame in cutting extra things out, that's for dang sure, especially when there are so many things you don't have a choice to cut (even when those are the things that you WANT to cut!). i love you, tiffany, and i'm so glad we can support each other. you have been a huge support to me over the years. i wish we lived closer to each other. xoxo

The Collingwood Family said...

I'm SO glad you're feeling like yourself again!

Susan Staus said...

You're amazing Tiffany! I marvel at all that you can do! I'm glad you were able to get some help. If it helps you, I've been on them at 2 different times in my life too. And I know I'll be on them again at some point too.

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

I hope things calm down for you and you are feeling less overwhelmed soon!

The Ainas said...

I loved that post. Glad you are feeling better and yes, it is SO easy to compare and wish you were as "perfect" as the other woman/mom you see... but too often we forget that they probably have their own struggles and wish they were as good as someone else. :)

You are awesome!

Natasha said...

You are doing a GREAT job! In my opinion you have done AMAZINGLY well with all the stresses you have had - and I'm sure I only know of some of them. I'm SO GLAD you are getting the help you need right now - medicine can really be a great blessing.

Liz said...

I know exactly what you are dealing with. I have to take medication everyday for the rest of my life, for similar yet worse reasons, in order to just be happy and function in my daily life. Don't let it get you down, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you have an outlet use it. I have my writing, when I am in the depths of my illness I write poetry, expressing how I feel; getting it out helps so much. You should check out my blog with my poetry and periodic rants. http://musingsofthemental.blogspot.com Once you read what I deal with, it will help you see that it could be worse. Remember I'm always an email away if you ever need to rant, rave or talk. I'm a good listener. :) Hang in there.

Laura said...

You have actually been in my thoughts and prayers these last few weeks. I think are an amazing person...we all can't do it all, all of the time! Sometimes, we need extra help. I am so glad you are feeling better.

sweet mama entropy said...

thank you for having the courage to post this. i think so many people deal with things like this on one level or another, but feel alone because no one is brave enough to talk about it. thanks for letting people know! and i'm glad you're feeling better. hope you keep feeling better and better... love you!

Anonymous said...

Such a brave post. I join the others in thinking you are amazing. I have lots of struggles too but none that I'm brave enough to share :) Thanks for always being so friendly to me. I'll say a little prayer for you that you will have peace.

Jody Lindstrom