November 14, 2010 Back to Me
I have been struggling with keeping up with my life since Sam started school. It is seriously like being a single parent except I don’t get every other weekend off. It has also been a trying year with Sam in and out of the hospital for cellulites and a possible move to Maryland in February (six months before he is finished with his MBA). I hired help with cleaning my house in April because I just couldn’t keep up anymore. This past month I was given the calling of Cub Scout den leader and it put me over the edge. My mouth was full of canker sores; I was exhausted all the time, and I felt overwhelmed all the time. I also was getting angry over things that really shouldn’t have bothered me. I was crying all the time. All in all, I wasn’t my self and I felt like a failure for not being able to keep up. After encouragement from my mom and close friends I went and saw my doctor. My doctor told me that moving is ranked #3 of most stressful life situations. #1 is death of a child or spouse. He also told me that 85% of people who go on anti-depressants can go back off of them. I told myself I would just stay on until Sam finishes school. Well, two weeks later and I feel fantastic. I feel like myself again. I am back to doing projects and feeling good about myself. I am cutting some things out. Gymnastics ends this month and we aren’t going to sign up again. I decided to put off a marathon for at least another year. I am going to stick to halfs this year. Life is still hard, but it isn’t overwhelming anymore. If I have offended anyone over these last few months, I am sorry. I have always been blunt, but looking back I seemed to have lost some of my filtering skills as my stress level went up. I question whether this is appropriate to post, but I think women, especially Mormon women, look other women and think, “I should be more like her.” I am sure all of us have private struggles. I wish Sam’s sickness and busy schedule was the worst of what I have dealt with this year, but some things are private and not always ours to share. I just want people to know that Heavenly Father wants you to be happy and if you really can’t be happy. See your doctor. I feel that my medication is a blessing in my life right now.